Ever been in a meeting with something important to say and remained
silent? You may have felt the flush of the good idea and the rising
adrenalin. You may have moved to the front of your seat and readied
your body to speak...and then didn't. What stopped you?
Certainly there is wisdom in knowing when to speak and when not to.
Knowing the politics of a situation or the time constraints, you may
choose not to speak. Often, though, you may have a unique view,
perspective, issue or concern that needs to be raised. That
contribution would add a new dimension to the discussion or change
the decision about to be made.
You may feel strongly about a new policy and your silence allows
folks to think you agree. Is that the message you wish to send?
Recently I was involved in the creation of a new management team for
a department of a public sector organization. This brought together
four people who previously had felt that they were in a 'pecking
order' and changed them into a cohesive decision-making team. Two of
the four have strong opinions and are very comfortable expressing
them. Two are very quiet. In forming the team, we discussed this
dynamic. How are we each going to best contribute to the team? We
talked about the possibility that the talkative two could overpower
the silent two. In fact, they might even do the talking for them!
Focusing on the fact that each person was hired because he or she is
an expert in a distinct field, it was soon decided that each
person's opinion was vital to good decision-making.
The two who are quiet are very competent as are the others.
Increasing their level of comfort with adding their voices to the
group was important. Two things were agreed upon: every person would
speak on every issue and each person would take responsibility for
doing so. One of the natural 'talkers' offered to ask the quiet two
for their opinions. This seems like a good idea on the surface,
however, as a rule, it is a poor idea.
Why is it a poor idea? Simple. If one person takes responsibility
for the contributions of others there are two new kinds of control
being encouraged. The 'talker' has control over when the others are
asked for their opinions. The 'silent' could be waiting to be asked
making their contribution the 'talkers' responsibility. Neither of
these options are optimal.
The important piece is that each person understands that he or she
was hired to contribute his or her expertise and experience to the
team. It is the responsibility of the individual to contribute. For
the talkers that is easy. In fact, it is enjoyable. For the quiet
folks, two things seemed to be true. One of them only felt it
necessary to contribute if she disagreed with the direction of the
conversation. The other is very shy. What to do?
With some individual coaching for each team member, each began to
monitor involvement in the meetings. For those for whom it was
difficult, they undertook to at least say when they agreed or
disagreed. For those for whom it was easy, they undertook to leave
some airtime free. Often, it is a challenge to find a quiet moment
to summon up the gumption to speak!
When you have something you feel is important to contribute to a
meeting, formulate your thoughts, take a deep breath and jump in.
Nothing life-threatening will happen. It's a little like learning to
swim. The first few times you may get a mouthful of water and
sputter a little. You may find yourself gasping for air. You may
flail around a little, but, with practice, things even out and you
make progress. Yes, it may feel awkward. Yes, you may discount the
importance of what you have to say before you say it. But, jump in.
You are there to offer your skills and learning. It is your
responsibility.
A tip or two about handling those who only value the sound of their
own voices may be in order. They have to take a breath sometime. Be
ready to step in and take that opportunity.
AGREE WITH THEM
Beginning with 'I agree with _____________ part of
your opinion..." and go on to offer your thoughts. Being agreed
with, even in part, will encourage them to listen to you.
USE POSITIVE LANGUAGE
Tell folks what you think would be best and
why rather than telling them what is wrong with their ideas. Again,
you may capture their attention.
HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOUR IDEAS
Work within yourself to clarify your
thoughts prior to the meeting. You may even make some notes. Being
prepared will make it more likely that you will have some energy
behind your points of view and, therefore, be more likely to express
them.
BE BRIEF AND SPECIFIC
This is a great tip for everyone at the meeting. Stay on the topic
and the point. Give your thoughts and
reasons in short sentences, then stop and let others respond. This
is the way business gets done! Who wants interminable meetings?
Speak up! You have the right and responsibility to do so.
_____
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, speaks, coaches & conducts seminars for
entrepreneurs & professionals who want the motivation, strategies
and inspiration to achieve, to lead and to live richly. Hear her
weekly on www.WSRadio.com.
Dr. Shaler is the creator of the Living Richly™ programs.
For further articles, free ezines,
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©2002 Rhoberta Shaler, PhD. All Rights Reserved
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Speak Up!